Tuesday, September 15, 2015

William Myrl; Letters to No One (26)

Dear No One,

The crossfit tournament was interesting. We began with six competitors, after the second day we were down to two. One said he was too sore from the first day to continue with the events. The other "got into his feelings" because of what he felt was unfair refing from one of his friends with another one of his friends. He isn't a person who handles losing well. Did I tell you all the events? I hope not, because here they are, in order:

Murphy-1 mile, 100 pull ups, 200 push-ups, 300 squats, 1 more mile- everything completed consecutively, no mixing up exercises. Our fastest guy did it in just over 50 minutes. Grace-Thirty clean and presses with the 135. Our fastest guy did it in under four minutes. This was the evening event, with the Murph in the morning. DeadPress-Something I put together. deadlift the 315 5 times, then C+P 135 once, repeat, with the clean and press progressing thus; 155-185-205, each one time. They handled the deadlifts well, but no one could hit the 205, not quite. So we ranked them by how fast they arrived at it.  

One did so in a little over two minutes. Blew everyone else away. This was Sunday afternoon. Monday morning, Labor Day, we did another made up exercise I called the Oddball. Forty bench presses with the 185, then thirty muscle ups, in that order. Fifteen minute time limit. Someone got to 28 muscle ups, no one else got close. He wasn't nearly the fastest bencher though. After a short break we finished up with a mile run for time. 6:52 was the fastest, which isn't amazing but considering the other crap we had already put them through it was pretty good. The prize was about ten dollars in commissary, and the winner ended up splitting it with the other three who finished the competition. Now the guy who quit because of sour grapes is putting his own thing together for next month. I did his pamphlets for him, but probably won't be on this side of the yard by then. My destination, C-building. I can't do any of that stuff BTW. My murphy time is 70 minutes at the moment. Not impressive.

I stayed up to watch Colbert on the Late Show last night. I was duly disappointed. He was just another host doing bad dance moves for applause. He has an excellent deadpan. Years of the Colbert Report will do that to you.

One of his guests was Stephen King. He was like a giant skull attached to a tiny mannequin. Listening to him was interesting, because the cadence of his speech matched that of his books. The phrases he used; he is a master pattern matcher. Not that this is a bad skill to have as a writer, but it would be nice if he had other skills as well. His last word was "baby", as in, "you know you want me, baby." He kept using stock phrases.

It isn't that his books are terrible. I have read six or seven so I can hardly say that I hate him. I think he catches most of his flak from people who are reacting against just how very popular he is. His productivity can't be quibbled with, at least. They stacked up all his books to six and a half feet.

At least he's not James Patterson.


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