Wednesday, June 3, 2015

William Myrl, Letters To No One (9)

Dear No One,
I lost. The prize was being hung in the Augusta County library, everyone but me was upset or disappointed about that. I would have used it as an opportunity to surreptitiously promote my website. If they ever do it again I know exactly what I need to do to win. Poster sized child with some color worked in. There were three winners, two of them deserved it. I’m glad to have my drawing back so I can give it to my parents and command my little brother to make it happen on the interwebs.
My mom keeps telling me to use periods and capital letters, some would call these complete sentences, rather than creating the sort of extravagant collections of phrases and clauses that I sometimes use to carry on a thought long after its end was due; it's not my favorite piece of advice, though I am aware of its being reasonable in the sense that it adheres to the culture of correctitude you find in grammar books and the advice that prospective agents give on their websites, advice I was never confident in myself given that the real successes out there have a tendency to do everything that common sense would tell them not to, not to say that a thing should be done because it goes against what is "reasonable", only that it should be done if there is reason for it regardless of whether it is a thing to be done or not done, a reason such as bothering my mother; because if the thought isn't done then neither am I.
You think so?
My friend Jark did very well with the W&L class. The professor and the principal were talking about bringing back community college courses. It was something that used to be offered and was rescinded because of under enrollment. The requirements were too strict. You couldn't receive institutional infractions (which are usually quite petty) or have certain offenses on your record (you know which ones) or have more than a certain amount of time remaining on your sentence (this is the one that would knock me out) and your grade had to stay up to stay in the class. So there are talks in the works, and Jark has been asked to write a letter or proposal or something. He also has the idea that we should do a newsletter, pending admin primateur, and has to put together a proposal fort that. He is the dearest. He wants to go to real college when all this is over for him. It's refreshing to know someone who wants things out of his life.
I had something amusing happen to me but for you to understand it I need to give you background on a phrase. In Virginia, Common Fare is the code for religious diet. I personally think it's unconstitutional to segregate meal plans according to religion, but that didn't stop me from applying for it myself. It's a lot of raw vegetables and peanut butter and beans, or used to be. There is a new menu as of last month that heats everything up and adds a dash of horrible and that is beside the point. Before getting on the diet one has to sign a contract saying one will not trade, give away or sell common fare food. Also, regular trays are off limits. Violators will be kicked off of the diet, that's basically it. Virtually all people enrolled on the diet violate the agreement every day, mostly by sharing food among themselves at the table or taking it back to the pod with them for personal cooking. I ate regular trays whenever it seemed like the better option, especially after the menu change. One day my ID didn’t scan in the chow hall, so I was sent to get a temporary one from J -building. It was simple enough, and I returned the dining hall, ate my sloppy joe, and went about my business. That night I was given a charge, and I feel compelled to render its statement exactly.
"While working A-side dining hall on May 17th, 2015, offender W. Smitherman (#1421308) approached the scanner. His ID failed to scan so I instructed him to go over to J-1 to get a temporary ID card. While making his ID later on in the day I noticed he was a common fare meal and those are only served on B-side dining hall. He is in violation of the common fare agreement he signed by eating, trading, or possessing unauthorized food items from the main line when he received a regular tray and consumed it." We roll pretty hard in this prison. 
I will share with you the epic conclusion to this escapade next time, on Dragon Ball Z.

Yours, William Myrl (9)

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